Parenting

It’s all a bit bittersweet.

We did it, we survived James’s 6 month deployment. He’ll be home on Friday.

Two weeks later, Oliver and I move to melbourne.

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Right now I’m feeling really powerful. I know that moving to melbourne is the best thing for us, and I am really looking forward to the next two weeks with my family.

But see, my husband is like a drug to me. The good kind, he’s a very positive influence. But boy oh boy, is he addictive. When I am away from him, well the first few weeks suck! But then I am okay.

When we are together, however, I live in constant fear of him leaving again. Every time he calls me from work I’m convinced he’s calling to tell me his been crash posted and he’s leaving for three months in two weeks (it’s happened before). Or worse, that he’s been posted back to Sydney.

I almost forget to enjoy the beautiful person that he is, and the wonderful relationship we share.

But this time is different, this time I’m in control. I’m calling the shots, I’m the one leaving.

It’s all very empowering and absolutely terrifying!

We also go through a big adjustment period when he gets back, we get a few weeks of joy and then we have to get used to living together again. That sounds really sterile but you’d be surprised how much people change over a few months- particularly when one lives in a large house alone and the other lives in small quarters with tens of other men.

This time, we just get the fun bit. The two weeks of hand holding, smooching, loving and enjoying.

I am really looking forward to it.

Of course I dread saying goodbye to my husband. I dread seeing him say goodbye to Oliver. But I know what I’m doing is for forever, not just until the navy posts us again.

I will control my own life, and I’ll no longer be controlled by a god damned posting order!

It’s all very liberating and empowering, but gosh I wish James was coming with us.

It’s really a very bittersweet time for this household.

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Parenting, Work

Hey there lonnnnely blog

 

 

Our beautiful au pair left two weeks ago, James is back in one month. Whilst I am loving every second with Oliver, I am finding it very difficult to get any time to myself.download (1)My day starts when Oliver’s day starts, it ends when Oliver’s day ends. I work from around 8:30-4:30. Work is really busy, and I get very little R&R time- but I love what I do so it’s a good thing (mostly).

I often find myself catching my breath in the car when I get to work in the morning and when I leave work in the evening. Those few seconds alone in the car before I run off to pick up Oliver are mine, and I breath them in deep.

I pick Oliver up, we get home, I give him an afternoon snack, and then I start on dinner. Sometimes he helps, or he plays, or watches TV- but he checks on me ever few minutes as I check on him. We eat dinner together, normally on the couch watching a documentary about animals, he’s obsessed! Then it’s bath, teeth, book, bed. I lay with him until he falls asleep, it’s been this way since Easter, he was very distressed after his Dad left again after Easter and to be honest, I kind of love it.

I normally fall asleep next to him at 7:30, I might wake up at 9PM in time to crawl into my bed. Night’s like tonight I manage to stay awake to squeeze in some me time, but honestly I feel like it’s just for the sake of.

And repeat.

I love my days with Oliver. I feel like I am the best Mum I have ever been, I’m practising new parenting techniques and it’s wonderful. I never raise my voice at Oliver and he responds so well to it. We talk, and he understands me. I give him simple choices, and he picks the obvious option.

But my priorities are different than they were three weeks ago. I’m not worried about a clean house, or me time. I’m worried about Oliver and I want him to know I am here for him, even though some days I drop him at daycare just as they open and pick him up just before they close. I still prioritise work as best I can, but these days I leave work with emails unread, I just have to.

So, unfortunately this blog is not getting my priority. I just don’t have time, even when I do- my computer is running YouTube with the ‘onimallls’ for Ollie. I have been spending a bit more time on my social media, if you’d like to keep up with my recipes and happenings you can follow me on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.

I hope to be back to blogging regularly soon.

Single mums, you rock my socks. Seriously, this world owes you far more than you get.

Much Love,

Cassandra J

 

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D&M, Parenting, Uncategorized

Keep calm and navy wife on

You know what I hate, what I really fucking hate?

When my husband gets posted away and people tell me well you chose this lifestyle.

No, actually, I fell in love with a man who has a job, and believes in his job, and loves his job.

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Today, James found out he will be spending half of next year down in Melbourne on a training course. Sure, it could be worse, it could be The Gulf- or Sydney. But see, Oliver and I won’t be joining him. It’s part choice, part obligation. They won’t move us, he is moving back here at the end of it, I love my job.

Queue panic attack, it really sucks!

A lot of people seem to think that because my husband is in the navy, I should be okay with this, it’s to be expected after all. No, I’m not. I’m sad, I’m stressed. I have to go it alone for six-whole-months! I didn’t choose this. I didn’t want this. I just love him.

I’m not okay with it. I’m not a super hero. I’m not stronger than any other wife head over heals in love with her husband. I just don’t have a goddamn choice.

My heart breaks for Oliver, his father is his best mate. He will miss him so much. They will miss each other so fiercely.

We’ll be okay. This time I am going to ask for help, I’m not going through what I went through in Sydney again. We’ll try and see him every weekend. We’ll get through, and I know we’ll be all the stronger for it, we always are.

But it still sucks!

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