I’m not a bohemian

Since moving to Melbourne, I’ve realised something that came to me as a bit of a shock.

I am, in fact, not bohemian.


I tried it. I moved to a one bedroom flat, shared a room with my son, purchased a few notebooks and decided to spend all my spare time writing a book.

But the reality hit me like a ton of bricks. I like nice things, I like my own bed, I really like sleep.

So as I cleared our sub-letted flat of mould and hung all my nice clothes up to dry crinkle free in this so called spare time I realised, I want a nice house, I want to watch the news at 6PM, I want to wear a god damn puffer vest.

For the first time in my life, I don’t want to stand out. I just want to be happy, I just want to be me- and these days I think I am pretty much a subject of my society, this so-called normal.

A far cry from 16 year old me with my blue hair and my slipknot t-shirt.

I’ll still write when I can, but It won’t quite fit the image I had of myself: sitting on a balcony in Fitzroy, cigarette in one hand, pen in the other and David Bowie in the background.

But I’m okay with that, because you know what? I’m happy.

I’m really truly happy, for the first time in a long time.


Following my dreams.

I can’t explain how happy I am, I really don’t know how to put it into to words.

That’s pretty unusual for me.

The last five years feel almost surreal. The cities, lifestyle, the people, the loneliness.

I don’t think my issue was ever the life we lived, because I think we always had a great lifestyle. I think it was because I longed so hard to come home that I felt suspended.

Everything was temporary, and that’s no way to live. I felt like I had to suck the most out of everyday- which I know sounds wonderful- but it was actually really exhausting.

I never knew what tomorrow would bring. I had completely lost my inner sense of stability. Nothing was long term, so what did it really matter.

I tried, but that was how I felt and boy was it draining.

But now, I feel like I can relax. This is it, this is my endgame- Melbourne. Sure I have more goals I’d like to achieve in my future but my future is here.

You have no idea how great that feels.

Last week, we settled on a suburb. Oliver starts school on two years- so unless we completely hate it there it’s more than likely the suburb we’re going to, you know, live out our lives in.

For a navy wife, that’s a huge thing to say.

From all of this, my main lesson has been to follow your dreams. Just jump, it may not be what you expected- but it’s bound to be great!

Have you taken a big jump lately?

D&M, Parenting, Work

Living my dream.

Tonight I was driving home to our new place in Elwood.

I must’ve looked like a goon, I was singing to Oliver with a massive smile on my face. I realised that I did it. I didn’t give up, although many times I wanted to, and I achieved my dream. Like, all of them. Holy heck!!!
After 6 years, I’ve finally got my own place in Melbourne. Okay it’s only for six weeks, sure it full of someone else’s furniture, and yeah okay it’s a bit of a dive but you guys, I did it!!

After five years at uni, yes I took my time, I’ve got a job I’m really proud of. A job that I think I could do really well at and a job I will learn so much from.

But above all of that I’ve got James, Ollie and even that silly little puppy Panda. I’m actually married to my soul mate, and then we popped out my little kindred spirit. I really prefer the company of no one else more than that of my family,

This is not to say my life is perfect, but it is to say that I’ve worked my arse off and I’ve already ticked every box on my list. I really do have to pinch myself sometimes.

I’ve had moments so low that I’ve almost walked away from my husband, not him per say but the life that came with him. But I stayed, and I tried, and now he’s about to get posted to Melbourne and it’s all been worth it.

There were moments so stressful I nearly dropped uni. I was driving from Sydney to Canberra to do my exams so I had someone to babysit Oliver because James was ALWAYS at sea- can you imagine? It was exhausting. Oliver would sleep and I would study, then I would clean a little or sleep or on the very odd occasion I would relax.

But here I sit in my Melbourne apartment just five months away from having my family back together, with my beautiful child asleep in our bed (yes we’re currently sharing) and just hours away from returning to my dream job.

When was the last time you thought you could just throw it all away? I hope whatever you decided to do, you feel as fulfilled as I do today!


We made it!

We have been residence of Melbourne for five days now.


It’s been pretty flipping great.

We’ve been staying down the Mornington peninsula with my parents since we arrived and it’s been wonderful watching Oliver bond with his family and knowing we’re not going to have to say goodbye.

We’ve seen a few places, and some were awful. One was a beautiful little sub let for six weeks whilst the tenant goes away, I have my fingers crossed that works out but I’m not too stressed about it.

Now that I’m here I know it will all come together.

Today we went to the aquarium with Grandma and ‘Gumpy’. Oliver had a great day and was perfectly behaved.

He loved seeing all the fishes and running around with his grandparents! Mainly, he loved the gift shop at the end…

Tonight, we have settled into the next stop along the way- James’ mums place in North Melbourne. It’s walking distance to work and a short tram trip to Oliver’s day care, so very convenient. It’s also very nice and peaceful because nobody is home- which gives me the perfect chance to freak our accordingly about starting my new job tomorrow.

There is still a lot of uncertainty, but what I do know is that everything will work out because I have an incredible support network who will make sure it does.


I am proud of me.

This time, six years ago I was a very different person. I wasn’t a bad person, I was just nineteen and trying to figure out who I was, and who I was going to be.

I had just deferred uni, I was working at a pizza shop and I was spending every spare cent on partying. I look back with no regrets, but I also recognise that I have come a long way. And a big part of that is thanks to James.

We met on one of these nights out partying. I don’t recall our first meeting, one could say I had been drinking. But one thing led to another and our paths crossed.

He made me want to be a better person. He fills me with this motivation that I have never had before. I re-enrolled into uni, and he supported me every step of the way- financially and morally. But, it wasn’t always easy. I studied via distance education and he was away a lot. My mind wondered, I worked full time, then I had Ollie. I had to stay focused on my end game.

When I started my degree, I was going to be a journalist. There was no if-buts about it. I was going to change the world. I wanted to report on the real issues, I wanted to break through the censorship and I wanted to tell everyone the truth.

The more I learnt about journalism, communications and marketing, the more I learnt that this kind of journalism doesn’t really exist. Of course there are forums like this one here, blogs and underground outlets. But there’s also that underlying issue that people don’t always want to know the truth. They would much rather watch entertainment, call it news, and sleep soundly at night.

So I revisited my dream. I still wanted to change the world, but I realise now that there are smaller ways in which one can achieve this. I decided I wanted to be a communicator in a small not-for-profit organisation and share a very important message to those who needed to hear it.

For the past 12 months I have dabbled in that. I got to be part of a very important organisation and I got to share their message- sometimes.

Starting next month, I will be a communicator in a small not-for-profit organisation and I will get to share their very important message.

I will get to reflect on late nights studying after Oliver was up all day, and long drives to Canberra to sit my exam because James was out at sea. I will get to know that it was all worth it, and that I have worked hard to achieve my goals- and I have done it.

I will get to look Oliver in the eye and tell him if he wants something enough, and he works hard enough he can do it.

I will get to move to Melbourne, I will get to go home and I will get to raise Oliver in a constant environment.

James won’t be there right away, and that downright sucks. But I know that this is something we have worked hard for, and this is something we have achieved. Something we can be proud of. Something we did together- and something I couldn’t have done without James.

I am proud, I am so proud, of what I have achieved in the last six years. I have really set my goals high, and I have reached everyone of them. I am married to my soul mate, I have a beautiful son, a gorgeous puppy, and next month I am starting a job that I can very well see shaping my career.

I guess if I have one piece of advice for you, it’s don’t miss out on opportunities because you are too busy. Make time, not just for your goals but for yourself.




Moving home.

I can’t believe I am finally writing this post, but I am. I  am finally sharing with you all that I am moving home.

It’s terrible timing, James is moving back to Canberra two weeks before we move to Melbourne. But it’s also the best timing, why?

Because the time is now.


At the start of the year, as many of you know, my white picket Canberra life was shattered when James was posted down to Melbourne for six months. We finally got a land posting after two terrible years in Sydney, and after being here for 12 months that stability was taken from us again. It was then I truly realised something that deep down I always knew, stability and the ADF will never co-exist. Whilst James is in the Navy, we will never have a stable life style. We will never truly have a home.

I found myself living in a constant state of fear. Instead of looking forward to James getting back, I was counting down the days until his posting in Canberra was over and our life could be shaken up again. He was granted a 12 month posting back to Canberra, instead of being relieved I worked out how close Oliver would be to school before this posting was up, and found myself losing sleep over where he would go to school, if I would find work, and if James would even be around.

I was losing my ability to enjoy the little things.

Since James moved to Melbourne I had started applying for ‘dream jobs’. I applied for three jobs in total. About three weeks ago I got a call from one of these jobs. After a trip down to Melbourne, an interview on four hours sleep, and a few reference checks I secured myself a one of these dream jobs in Melbourne.

I start two weeks after James gets back, which downright sucks. But we are trying not to let it get us down. I feel like this could be my forever job, and Melbourne has always been our forever town. James is my forever partner, so even though we may not be able to be together now I know that this is where I am supposed to be. And I know as soon as he can move to Melbourne, he will. And I know that once he does get there, I will never ever let him go again- and neither will Oliver.

Today, I filled out Oliver’s new daycare enrolment form and I was filling out the emergency contacts section. At his current day care, he has me. That’s it. At his new daycare in Melbourne the sheet was full and I could have added more. Filling out that form almost bought a tear to my eye.

And that’s why I am moving home. I have done this Navy wife thing for 5 years. I love my husband more than words can ever explain, but it’s time for me to take control.

I’m jumping into Melbourne, and whilst a huge part of me is terrified and apprehensive, the rest of me is ready to fall into my huge network of support  waiting for me in Melbourne.


Oliver’s RAWRsome second birthday.

This year, we decided to drive home to Melbourne and celebrate Oliver’s second birthday surrounded by friends, family and a petting zoo.


It was the only day in his short life that Oliver actually slept in.


He arrived in the lounge room to be greeted by his Grandparents, Aunty and Uncle, and a Thomas the Tank Engine Train set. He wasn’t overly interested in opening other presents, he was happy with his trains.


He soon got the hang of it.


And prize for the best gift goes to Grandma and Grandpa.


Our little rock star.


Soon enough the petting zoo arrived and he could not believe his luck. You have never seen a happier boy.


 And then some friends arrived, and he made a new little friend also name Oliver. 


The two lil’ dino’s got into a lot of mischievous and had an absolute blast.


Oliver’s cake courtesy of Auntie Rebecca.


It was a huge day, and it ended on Grandma’s shoulder.

Thanks to everyone who helped us celebrate– both new friends and old. It was a wonderful day, one that I hope Oliver remembers forever.

Cassandra J