D&M

I’m not a bohemian

Since moving to Melbourne, I’ve realised something that came to me as a bit of a shock.

I am, in fact, not bohemian.

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I tried it. I moved to a one bedroom flat, shared a room with my son, purchased a few notebooks and decided to spend all my spare time writing a book.

But the reality hit me like a ton of bricks. I like nice things, I like my own bed, I really like sleep.

So as I cleared our sub-letted flat of mould and hung all my nice clothes up to dry crinkle free in this so called spare time I realised, I want a nice house, I want to watch the news at 6PM, I want to wear a god damn puffer vest.

For the first time in my life, I don’t want to stand out. I just want to be happy, I just want to be me- and these days I think I am pretty much a subject of my society, this so-called normal.

A far cry from 16 year old me with my blue hair and my slipknot t-shirt.

I’ll still write when I can, but It won’t quite fit the image I had of myself: sitting on a balcony in Fitzroy, cigarette in one hand, pen in the other and David Bowie in the background.

But I’m okay with that, because you know what? I’m happy.

I’m really truly happy, for the first time in a long time.

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D&M

Following my dreams.

I can’t explain how happy I am, I really don’t know how to put it into to words.

That’s pretty unusual for me.

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The last five years feel almost surreal. The cities, lifestyle, the people, the loneliness.

I don’t think my issue was ever the life we lived, because I think we always had a great lifestyle. I think it was because I longed so hard to come home that I felt suspended.

Everything was temporary, and that’s no way to live. I felt like I had to suck the most out of everyday- which I know sounds wonderful- but it was actually really exhausting.

I never knew what tomorrow would bring. I had completely lost my inner sense of stability. Nothing was long term, so what did it really matter.

I tried, but that was how I felt and boy was it draining.

But now, I feel like I can relax. This is it, this is my endgame- Melbourne. Sure I have more goals I’d like to achieve in my future but my future is here.

You have no idea how great that feels.

Last week, we settled on a suburb. Oliver starts school on two years- so unless we completely hate it there it’s more than likely the suburb we’re going to, you know, live out our lives in.

For a navy wife, that’s a huge thing to say.

From all of this, my main lesson has been to follow your dreams. Just jump, it may not be what you expected- but it’s bound to be great!

Have you taken a big jump lately?

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D&M, Parenting, Work

Living my dream.

Tonight I was driving home to our new place in Elwood.

I must’ve looked like a goon, I was singing to Oliver with a massive smile on my face. I realised that I did it. I didn’t give up, although many times I wanted to, and I achieved my dream. Like, all of them. Holy heck!!!
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After 6 years, I’ve finally got my own place in Melbourne. Okay it’s only for six weeks, sure it full of someone else’s furniture, and yeah okay it’s a bit of a dive but you guys, I did it!!

After five years at uni, yes I took my time, I’ve got a job I’m really proud of. A job that I think I could do really well at and a job I will learn so much from.

But above all of that I’ve got James, Ollie and even that silly little puppy Panda. I’m actually married to my soul mate, and then we popped out my little kindred spirit. I really prefer the company of no one else more than that of my family,

This is not to say my life is perfect, but it is to say that I’ve worked my arse off and I’ve already ticked every box on my list. I really do have to pinch myself sometimes.

I’ve had moments so low that I’ve almost walked away from my husband, not him per say but the life that came with him. But I stayed, and I tried, and now he’s about to get posted to Melbourne and it’s all been worth it.

There were moments so stressful I nearly dropped uni. I was driving from Sydney to Canberra to do my exams so I had someone to babysit Oliver because James was ALWAYS at sea- can you imagine? It was exhausting. Oliver would sleep and I would study, then I would clean a little or sleep or on the very odd occasion I would relax.

But here I sit in my Melbourne apartment just five months away from having my family back together, with my beautiful child asleep in our bed (yes we’re currently sharing) and just hours away from returning to my dream job.

When was the last time you thought you could just throw it all away? I hope whatever you decided to do, you feel as fulfilled as I do today!

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Uncategorized, Work

Six things I learnt from my first job.

I haven’t posted in a while.

I don’t know how I feel about this blog any more. I started it just after I started my first real job- I was so enthusiastic and I thought I would have this whole work/ life balance thing sorted out in no time.

But the thing is I was in that job for 12 months and every time I felt settled, well something would come along and shake it up.

I never did- and still haven’t- discovered any sort of work life balance.

It’s more of a work/life sword fight, each competing with each other trying to win your time. Both always demanding more, and me always feeling like a failure because I couldn’t meet all their needs.

So then I did something CRAZY! Absolutely absurd- I put my family first.

Woah!

It was pretty organic, James left so I just couldn’t continue to work the amount of overtime I was doing.

I felt awful, and although I was told I was supported I really wasn’t feeling the support. Although they would say it was okay it work only 39 hours a week instead of 45 I could see it in their eyes that it wasn’t.

Only one and a half hours more than I was paid- I felt like I was letting them down.

Then I started to see cracks, I started to get really paranoid. I felt really belittled all the time and no matter how much work I did- I always felt like it wasn’t enough.

I thought it was just my anxiety playing up.

And then I got yelled at for doing my job in a public space- and I started to think that surely this was not how staff should be treated.

And even though I spoke to the head of HR I was still made to feel like I was paranoid and I was the crazy one.

So I just got on with it- but I did apply for two ‘dream jobs’ in Melbourne.

Then I got one.

And then it all came crashing down. I’m not going to go in detail but my paranoia was pretty accurate.

But it was really for the best, and to their defence I really felt like my concerns were heard during my exit interview.

I also made some great life long friends there- and walked away with great experience.

So here’s what I learnt from my first job:
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Don’t be a yes man! If people ask you to do roles outside of your job description, you don’t have to say yes. Colleagues will respect you if you explain to them that you don’t have the time or the skills to complete a task they requested of you.

Don’t miss out on opportunities because you don’t have time. Whilst it’s okay to say no if you are too busy, if you are given the opportunity to develop your career or try something you are interested in- make time. One of these opportunities became my favourite part of the job, and I pretty much got my new job off the experience I gained from it.

Don’t get involved in the bitching! Especially whilst in the office. If someone is constantly bitching about others, they’re probably going to bitch about you. It’s also incredibly toxic. If you need to vent about work or colleagues, do it with people outside of your organisation.

Stay focused on your goals. Sure your goals can change, and that’s only natural- but don’t chase the pay cheque. $100k might get you out of bed for the first couple of years, but a job you are passionate about will keep you engaged for much longer and probably earn you more money in the long run. If a promotion is offered outside of your area of expertise or interest ask them to tailor it to suit you. If they really want you they’ll find a compromise.

Know when it’s time to move on. Your first job is a lot like your first boyfriend. You adore it, and you think you’ll be there forever but upon reflection it was kind of an arsehole. Chances are, you’re not going to be there forever. As soon as you start to feel undervalued, start looking elsewhere. You don’t need to feel guilty about moving on, you don’t owe them anything.

The most important thing I learnt from my first job was to be yourself! Work your hardest, and don’t lose your integrity. Even if you’re under valued, you can walk out of the office on your last day with your head held high knowing that you did your absolute best.

What did you learn from your first job?

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Uncategorized

We made it!

We have been residence of Melbourne for five days now.

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It’s been pretty flipping great.

We’ve been staying down the Mornington peninsula with my parents since we arrived and it’s been wonderful watching Oliver bond with his family and knowing we’re not going to have to say goodbye.

We’ve seen a few places, and some were awful. One was a beautiful little sub let for six weeks whilst the tenant goes away, I have my fingers crossed that works out but I’m not too stressed about it.

Now that I’m here I know it will all come together.

Today we went to the aquarium with Grandma and ‘Gumpy’. Oliver had a great day and was perfectly behaved.

He loved seeing all the fishes and running around with his grandparents! Mainly, he loved the gift shop at the end…

Tonight, we have settled into the next stop along the way- James’ mums place in North Melbourne. It’s walking distance to work and a short tram trip to Oliver’s day care, so very convenient. It’s also very nice and peaceful because nobody is home- which gives me the perfect chance to freak our accordingly about starting my new job tomorrow.

There is still a lot of uncertainty, but what I do know is that everything will work out because I have an incredible support network who will make sure it does.

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Uncategorized

Dear Canberra,

Before I moved here, I’d never visited you. I was so shocked with how much you resembled a city- and how inviting you really were.

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As time went on I started to realise how hard it can be to make friends here. I learnt that career was essentially everything, and the moments in between where spent holidaying away from you.

Canberra, you are beautiful. You have such beautiful park, fresh air, a lake that could take my breath away. Your streets are wide, and your hills are vast. Some mornings when I watch the sun rise my heart almost a bursts with beauty.

You have beautiful eateries, your coffee culture is growing as is your live music scene. I don’t think I could have hosted a radio show in any other town and be exposed to the artists I met here.

Most have left you now, you don’t come with much of a pay cheque for the arty folk.

You have grown so much in the five years I have known you. Your foreshore is becoming such a hub of joy and delight. No longer is it overgrown with swamp, but it is a buzz with people, and growth.

Canberra, I don’t know if I’ll miss you. Sometimes you can be a little cold, and not just in winter. Sometimes I feel like I’m sitting on the surface and even though I want to I just can’t get in.

I wish you were my home. Your education system is great, your jobs pay well, I know we could excel here. But your not, and it’s time for me to go home.

Canberra, I’m sure we will meet again soon. Until then, goodbye.

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D&M

Saying goodbye…

I’ve become so good at saying goodbye, that it’s actually really bad.

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I remember getting pretty drunk with a few people that I would consider my closest friends here in Canberra, and finding myself thinking ‘I could walk away and never see any of these people again and not be sad about it!’
But that fact alone made me really sad.

There are a few people who I really enjoy being around, and I suppose yeah, I will miss them. There’s one who I feel a bit heavy hearted about leaving, we’re kindred spirits- but I know they’ll visit plenty.

We leave in three days. I’m not feeling sad at all. Even the thought of leaving my husband behind doesn’t make me too sad- I think primarily due to some great news we received last week but I’m not allowed to share just yet!

I hope moving back to Melbourne means I no longer have to think about the end. Being a navy wife has always meant that everything was temporary, and that I was temporary.

In three days I will be home, and I will never have to be temporary again.

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